When God Grabs Hold (Part 1)

Friday, April 14, 2017



*Every time I feel a little vulnerable and fearful of sharing my writings on here I try to remember what one of my favorite bloggers has said about writing...

"...if every reader always loves every word you ever write, I mean this nicely, you are not writing anything that interesting. Write the real stuff, the hard stuff, the true stuff. Literature is too saturated for cotton candy fluff. Most readers are craving truth-tellers who don’t sanitize their words to avoid criticism. Be brave."
-Jen Hatmaker

So here goes...

Have you ever experienced an unexpected change of course throughout your journey of faith?? Like such a change that you feel like God has plucked out your heart and replaced it with a new one??

This is my story of exactly that.

We have three boys. They are ages 8, 5, and 3. As our boys have grown older, Mike and I had become more and more comfortable with the idea that we were done having children and content to enjoy all the changes and trials that raising three boys brings.

As a stay at home mom, I began daydreaming again about what I'd do once our youngest started school. I have always had a passion for home decor, design, and organization. I felt pretty confident that my working future would involve that passion in some way.

One night Mike and I even sat down and drafted a 5 yr plan that involved acquiring a degree in design and possibly launching a design and remodel business. This is a plan that I was excited about, felt comfortable with, and was looking forward to executing. I began researching online schools and programs, trying to decide which would be the best fit for me and my family.

God had other ideas.

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Back in April of 2016 I went to a women's retreat with the ladies from my church. The retreat was great! We had a blast worshiping and learning together, getting to know each other, zip lining and participating in team building exercises. We had a wonderful speaker who was ready and excited to share with us what God had placed on her heart.

The very last message on the very last day was one of prayer. Not just speaking to God but really listening and hearing what he has for you. I was thrilled, I had recently been praying a little differently myself. I was ready to hear how I could better my prayer life.

I have had a relationship with God since I was a little girl, but something had begun to change. I wanted more. I began to crave a new and all consuming desire for God to move in me and through me.

I wanted to crave His Word. I wanted to not just read the Bible because I should, but because it gives life, because it is God breathed, because I couldn't get enough. I wanted a thirst that couldn't be quenched.

Ever seen the movie Blind Side with Sandra Bullock in it? I love that movie. I mean LOVE that movie! This may sound cheesy but that movie REALLY spoke to my heart when it came out years ago. I remember leaving the movie theater with Mike, climbing into our car to head home, and I vividly remember praying, "Lord, please give me an opportunity to make a positive difference in someone's life like that." Cheesy? Or maybe a very intentional seed planted?

"USE ME," I would pray through my tears. "Change me! Mold me!" "Lord I pray that I would live in a way that others can see You in me." I had begun praying the lyrics to Oceans Deep by Hillsong, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander." I believe this song speaks to where God wants us to be, willing to move in obedience in a way that requires us to lean on Him deeply. I don't mean in a little-scared-kind-of-way, I mean in a Lord!I NEED YOU!-kind-of-way. I am beginning to believe that it is in these moments that you are your most connected to the Lord.

Ever been repelling?? It's a little scary! You know that moment when you've been instructed to lean back as far as you can and trust that the rope is gonna hold you safe? I imagine that, that moment when you are literally at your most vulnerable, when you couldn't lean back in faith any more, that is when you are most in tune and in touch with that rope, you are holding onto that rope with ALL YOUR MIGHT. And now, now you are grateful for that rope and for the comfort it offers you knowing that you will make it down safely. Why do we do it? Because it's exciting! Because we can accomplish something scary and even at times hard!

I believe God is asking us to hold onto Him with all our might, and lean into Him, and trust Him as we maneuver our way through our faith journey, not in comfort, but in complete peace, knowing that God's Got This! Why trust Him? It can be scary, and it WILL be hard at times. But what's more exciting than being prompted by God to move in obedience knowing His perfect will is being done! Who wouldn't want to be part of that plan?

Each day I've tried to humble myself so that God could move and work through me. I'm not perfect and in no way do I claim to do this all the time or well. But I do desire to, and I do try.


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So when I sat at that table at the ladies retreat, waiting, straining to hear what God had to say I was floored when it came. Floored. Scared. Excited. Wondering.

What came to me when our speaker prayed over me was a message in scripture. ~Matthew 4:20~ With out hesitation I reached for my bible, quickly flipped through the pages to read it.
  "Immediately they left their nets and followed Him." 

And just like that God grabbed hold of my heart and skillfully placed a new passion in it. For a long time I wasn't sure what this new calling on my heart meant or what was in store, all I knew was that once God decided to reveal his calling to me I was to be ready in every way to leave my nets behind and follow Him completely and immediately.

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