#momfail

Friday, March 27, 2015

I had it coming.

I take full responsibility.


This morning I was on the phone with a close girlfriend of mine, 
when my son William politely interrupted 
(with a mouth full of crackers) to say, 
" I need a haircut."

Still on the phone, I reply, "Ok. We can do that in a little bit." 
Thinking to myself, "Sure why not, he really does need one."
 My girlfriend jokingly warns me, "Oh! You'd better watch him today!"

No joke.

Fast forward a whole ten minutes later, I am no longer on the phone but straightening up the living room with 
little Benjamin tagging along.  And I think to myself, "uh oh, where's William at?"

Hoping he is in the backyard, I check there first. No.
The chicken coop? No.
His bathroom?? Nope.
His Room?!? Please be in your room!?

 Nope.


That's right! You've guessed it! He was in Mommy's bathroom...where we keep the scissors. 

This is how I found him....


Like I said, I had it coming.


I couldn't be mad at him...


What kind of Mom hears her three year old child say, "I need a haircut,"
 and doesn't immediately run to hide the scissors!
This Mom, apparently.



Oh! But it gets better!

I usher William outside to promptly buzz off what is left of his beautifully messy blonde hair, while sobbing inwardly. Mostly because I love his crazy hair so much and partly because Easter is barely more than a week away now. Awesome.

 Even after I buzzed it short, you can still see where he expertly chose to cut right smack in the middle of the top
 of his head.  Clearly, I was going to have to take a razor and Mr. Clean his head to get rid of all of the evidence...
but that's not gonna happen.



Once done, we made our way to his bathroom tub to wash off the itchies and take a bath. 
After checking the water temp, I put William in the tub and ran off to sweep his hair off our back porch, 
and call my girlfriend to tell her, "guess who cut his hair, just as you had warned!"


Forgetting all the while, that the tub water was still running!

It wasn't until I heard William holler, 
"Hey Mom! You gotta see this!" before I realized my mistake.

(Okay, here is where I am going to spare you and censor out the many few choice words that may or may not have escaped my mouth.)

I sprinted.

Water was gushing out from under the bathroom door!

(A few more choice words...)

AAAHHHHH! I grabbed ALL of our towels and threw them at the puddle.


Then like a moron, it took me a whole 60 seconds to realize I needed to UNPLUG THE TUB
All the while, Blaze is practicing his water ballet in our brand new very own indoor pool!
Of course, with each skilled pirouette five gallons of bath water comes flying out and splashes onto the sopping wet
towels that no longer have the ability to soak up another drop!

And do you know what time it is? 
9:40am.

Are we? Are we done yet? Can we be done now? No? 
How about a do over? Can I get a do over?


By the way, I am currently searching for my missing brain.
If. You. See. It. Can you please inform it that for the safety of the FichtelFive 
(And everyone within a 100 mile radius), Stefani needs her brain back.


Do you know where your kids scissors are?



This Williamism was brought you to by
WhereDidIHideTheBailey's

Please stay tuned for
Who Can Pee The Furthest
&
Has Anyone Seen Benjamin?









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